History of Magic and Date Proposals
by PenonPaperFingersonKeys
Summary: Date proposals from an unlikely source and rotten mates all equal insanity in History of Magic. - "COME ON EVANS! GO ON A DATE WITH ME! I mean, you've got no other options!" JP/LE


History of Magic and Date Proposals  
by _PenonPaperFingersonKeys_

Azkaban is a dark and scary place, Lily. It has creepy dementors and you'd probably have to share a cell with a murderer like Bellatrix Black or something. So, for the sake of your future well being, don't kill Alice because at the moment she is currently ignoring me, in favour of staring dreamily at Frank bloody Longbottom.

This is ridiculous. I come to History of Magic expecting some girl time where we can paint each other's nails and such and giggle about Merlin knows what and she wants to stare at Frank? He's not even that good looking! He doesn't have black hair or glasses or hazel eyes –

I stare at Frank for a few minutes and he catches my gaze. He looks confused momentarily before a sly grin makes its way onto his face and he mouths: _I'm not Potter, Lily!_

I might just kill Frank as well.

"OI EVANS! FANCY A DATE!"

_And_ Sirius Black.

Actually, for that matter why the _hell _is Sirius Black asking me out anyway? I thought Potter had automatic dibs or something. And does he really need to yell? The Marauders are only a two desks away from me and Alice and the chairs between us are empty – the people that had been sitting there had earlier migrated to the back of the classroom to play Exploding Snap.

I peer over at Sirius who is being slapped round the back of his head by a very infuriated looking Remus Lupin who is muttering something about asking me out not being in the Plan. They are both insane - unfortunately this is a daily occurrence in Gryffindor.

Alice giggles next to me, ignoring my glare and blushing as Frank sends her a note, zooming it over an irritated Ravenclaw's head. She appears to be taking notes, which is ridiculous because it's History of Magic and nobody pays attention in History of Magic. Not even Professory Binn's who completely ignored Sirius Black's loud question.

I raise an eyebrow at the said boy, refusing to let my gaze slide over to his best mate who just happens to look utterly adorable when he doodles. His tongue sort of pokes out a bit and his face is all relaxed and stuff...

_Don't stare Evans!_

Whoops.

"What the hell, Black?" I ask, dodging a paper plane that comes flying at us – courtesy of Sean Harrison – and nudging Alice sharply in the ribs to get her to stop giggling as she scrawls a reply back to Frank, decorating it with cute little hearts and smiley faces.

I gag.

"Hush Lily," she scolds patronizingly. "It's not my fault that you can't do this with Potter." Her expression turns devious as she sends the note off to Frank and I watch as it hits him directly in the forehead. Ha. "Or Sirius."

"COME ON EVANS! GO ON A DATE WITH ME! I mean, you've got no other options!"

Oh, har bloody har. Pick on the romantically challenged girl.

I huff and look over towards Sirius who is still awaiting my answer. "No," I shout back, causing a Hufflepuff boy to jolt from his sleep. "WHY'D YOU ASK?"

Black's expression turns panicked and he quickly leans over to conference with Pettigrew and Lupin leaving me – and a now attentive Alice – to stare at them curiously.

They pull out of their huddle, which I notice James was not involved in, and Sirius smirks slyly at me – his eyes darting to the Head Boy and then back to me.

This can't be good.

"Well," he drawls, flicking his fringe and winking and Cheryl Cole who responds with an eye roll – she's not a Ravenclaw for nothing. She knows to stay away from scum like Sirius Black. – and leaning back in his chair casually. "Now that Prongs has got a girlfriend you are officially on the market. And you're kind of cute, Evans, when you're not yelling so I decided I'd take my shot at it and ask you out."

Oh.

James' got a _girlfriend_?

Alice chokes on her laughter as she spots my face which, despite my effort, is turning rather petulant for some unexplained reason.

Well...maybe not so unexplained.

"That's great," I snap at Sirius hiding my face under the pretence of searching in my bag for a book.

It's unfortunate that I don't have _101 Ways to Kill an Idiot _with me.

Instead I pull out my Transfiguration book. I do need to study for that test soon.

"Are you _angry _Evans?"

Merlin, I can't do this right now.

...even if his voice is like melted honey.

I slam my book down on the desk, waking up the dozing Hufflepuff again. He shoots me a vicious glare and I retaliate maturely by poking my tongue out at him. "I'm not a slab of meat, _Black!" _I shout, ignoring the melted-honey-voiced boy. "I am not some girl to just pick up and...y'know, fool around with her and such. And what if I fancy someone else, huh?" Sirius' eyes widen fractionally and Remus sits up a little straighter in his seat. "What if I actually like_ J_–"

I'm stopped from potentially revealing a very embarrassing secret by Alice's hand clamping down on my hand.

I take back what I said about killing Alice.

She's now, officially, the best mate _ever_.

"Who's J, Evans?" Pettigrew asks, sucking on a sugar quill.

"No one," I squeak.

Alice, still in best mate mode, nods. "There is no one called J in this school. Also, Lily doesn't fancy anyone, does she, Marlene?"

While Alice speaks I notice that the majority of the class are now staring blatantly at us. The exception being Neil Donne who's unconscious and Professor Binn's who's still blabbering on about something or other.

And still hasn't noticed the chaos that has been brewing in his classroom.

Honestly, I swear, before I saw Yasmin Doyle stirring a _potion _and Connor Baxton training miniature monkeys for a circus. How can you _not _notice stuff like that? I mean, now would be the perfect time to wake up from your daydream and save my ass, Binns!

I stare imploringly at our teacher for a moment before letting my shoulders slump in defeat.

Plan A: failed.

Marlene beams at me and, because I've been friends with Marlene for seven years, I can tell the outcome of her answer is not going to be good.

"Really? I thought she fancied Potter."

I hate her.

She's getting coal for Christmas. _Coal._

Alice purses her lips and looks like she's trying to telepathically tell Marlene to shut up. I'm too mortified to do anything other than sink into my chair and hope that the ground will eat me.

"I mean, isn't that why she was freaking out about that 'meeting'-" this was accompanied with an eyebrow wiggle – "and tore our room apart looking for the perfect outfit."

Coals too good for her.

Nervous giggles break through the class, as if tentative that I'll unleash my infamous anger on them and get sent to Azkaban for mass murder.

...I'm about thirty seconds from doing that.

I'll kill Marlene first.

Alice laughs weakly and pats me on the back in some form of support. I stare at the desk intently. Maybe the _desk _will eat me.

It's either that, or I throw myself off the astronomy tower.

"Now Marley, it wasn't like that. Lily always likes to look nice..."

See, _that's _why Alice is my best mate instead of Marlene.

Marlene snorts. Loudly. "Alice, don't bother. Everybody knows she wants to jump the poor boys bones whenever she's in ten meters of him."

"Erm...she wants to do that with everybody?"

The class snickers again, a bit more confident that I won't go crazy and kill every one. Except I still might. As in – if Marlene says one more word there won't be a seventh year History of Magic class anymore.

I sneak a look at the Marauders who are all looking infuriatingly smug. Except for James; he looks confused, in a very, very cute way.

"Oh _really_, Alice? What about that time-"

Marlene screeches loudly, halting another one of my James-Potter moments as my quill hits her forehead. My face has gone peculiarly red – out of anger and embarrassment and I've suddenly reached the end of my rope. "Shut up Marlene or I'm telling everybody about that time with Black!"

Black and Marlene both go a deathly pale.

Ha.

My glare turns into a sly smirk. "That's right, Marley. I just pulled the Black card."

"Below. The. Belt."

"Oh, you think _that _was below the belt? You don't know what else I've got up my sleeve."

Marlene loses any of the colour that she has left and Alice snickers into her palm. "It was for your own good Lily!" She cries, suddenly falling out of her seat and onto her knees, hands clasped together in a praying motion. "I did it for your happiness! Think before you hex, Evans!"

I frown at her. "Don't be stupid. I'm not _that _violent."

Silence ensues.

Well, this is uncomfortable.

A scraping motion alerts me to the Marauders movements. Sirius has pushed his chair back, his feet resting on the desk and a smirk plastered over his too-handsome face. "Well, I think that settles it."

"Settles what?" Alice asks, because I'm too busy avoiding James' eye.

James speaks this time.

"That if I ask you to Hogsemead this weekend, you'll say yes," he says casually, screwing up the parchment he'd been doodling on in a ball and chucking it in the direction of the door. I follow the parchment-ball with my eyes. Marlene summons it to her and shoves it in her pocket, winking at me.

Bitch.

"B-But you have a _girlfriend,_" I finally manage to stutter, feeling quite proud of myself for remembering the ability to speak while looking at James Potter's fantastic arms.

Peter removes the sugar quill from his mouth with a _pop! _"That was a test, Lily," he says, grinning evilly.

I remember those times when he used to be such a sweet and innocent boy.

Until he met James and Black.

"A test?" Alice asks, brow furrowing.

Remus, James and Sirius are all looking rather panicked at the moment.

"Yeah," Peter continues, seemingly oblivious to his three friend's frantic _STOP _motions behind him. "Sirius bet that if Prongs said he had a girlfriend you'd get jealous and snog him. Or ask him to Hogsemead."

James groans loudly, burying his face in his hands and Sirius slaps Peter quickly round the back of the head.

"Did he?" I work hard to keep the pleasure out of my voice – because, honestly, I'm not that upset that James cared about me enough to concoct a plan with his best mate to secure me.

"Yep."

Struggling to keep the smile off my face, I look down to the Transfiguration book and flip it open to any random page. "Well then. I suppose I better not let all that effort go to waste." Before James begins to realize what I have just said, I say quickly, "See you Sunday, Potter,"

James lets out a strangled noise – something between a cry of happiness and a gasp – and Sirius' whoop is loud enough that the class next door can probably hear us. Remus smirks and winks at me.

And then a paper ball hits my head.

Um...ouch?

I unfold it and gape at the mini, crudely drawn Lily Evans' staring back at me. Looking up to Marlene, who's giggling to herself, I raise an eyebrow.

Marlene mouths back: _Potter drew them! _

"Maybe Marlene's not getting coal for Christmas," I tell Alice under my breath, bypassing red and turning maroon at the pleasant feeling that erupts inside of me as I run my finger over the portraits of myself.

Marlene cups her hands around her mouth and yells at Potter, again drawing the class' attention back to us. "I think Lily likes your drawings!"

She's now been degraded to coal again.

Potter's eyes snap over to where I'm frozen, a guilty expression on my face, and I resist the urge to smirk as his ears go red.

"Er...uh..."

Marlene winks at me mischievously and sends me a not so discreet thumbs up at I slip the crumbled parchment into my pocket.

Potter's eyes widen as he notices the movement and I smile shyly at him. Hesitantly, he smiles back.

Our moment is ruined by Sirius punching him in the arm and muttering something about pansies and ruining his image.

I grin.

Maybe this History of Magic rubbish isn't so bad, after all.

* * *

**A/N: **Dedicated to: _Lily, for her wonderful and amazing ability to deal with me when I'm being a prat and also when I forget to beta her stories. SORRY DARLING!  
Nikola, I love you. Even if you've ditched me for cute boys in a far away country and I've been left alone with no one but my HP fanfiction, I still love you. XxX _

**Hope you enjoyed this! It was a bitch to write :P  
Leave a review! **

**Ping **


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